Friday, March 30, 2012

Run Away.

This morning as we prepare for the funeral services of Sherry Arnold, I feel it's appropriate to share this post I wrote one January morning that was left incomplete, with out answers. We're now begining to be able to piece together what happened to this amazing woman and this afternoon as we'll all gather to celebrate her life together I'm so thankful for this event to final have some sense of closure and peace.

I write to right the wrongs in my life. As if my words can explain things to me in a way that nothing else can. This is the way I best express my truths. In writing. This morning the pain surging between my head, my heart and my finger tips is unbearable to a point that I don't want to look at the computer as I type. I just want to get this out so quickly. I just want my words to be. As if then maybe I'll be able to understand life a littler more clearly, when I can read this and explain things to myself. I'm a little bit broken this morning.

I'd like to add that I know this will be okay. I know every little thing is going to be okay. We'll all float on alright. And someday this pain with make sense. But right now my life is a little sad. And that's okay.

Sherry Arnold. It's unbelievable what words can hold, that combining straights and curves to make letters and letters to make words and then all of a sudden they have meaning, you combine words and make feelings. Comunication. Kind of like math in away. Math is so beautiful. Like on the movie mean girls when Caty moves from South Africa to America and explains her favorite subject in high school is math because it's the same in every language. Math always makes sense. It's always explainable. It's always true. Life is like that. We just don't have all of the solutions yet.

I have a passion for math. I love math. I understand math. And maybe that's a big reason why I love math is because I love to understand things. This week has been so hard for me because I haven't been able to understand this, I almost feel to the extent that I don't know how to feel because we don't have the answers yet. I have no desire to let my mind run wild with what could have been, so I haven't.

I think one of the reasons I love math so much is because of Mrs. Arnold. She was my 7th and 8th grade math teacher. The begining of 7th grade she moved me from the class I was in, into the advance class. Which put me one class up for the rest of my time in junior high/high school. I went on Mathlete trips with Mrs. Arnold. I spent so much time growing with her, because of her. In her class room. I spent so many mornings there before school.

In college I had this fabulous friend name Sarah. The girl who studied abroad and had plans of peace corp was always up for anything and was always spreading sunshine with her infectious smile everywhere she went. She will always hold such a special place in my heart, she was so special to me. This week my heart hurts in that special place because Sarah was killed when she was on a Pay It Forward trip in Florida, on a jog. Sarah was hit and killed by a jeep.

It blows my mind that two people who are so significant in my life lost their lives while running. Especially when running has become such a significant part of who I am. It has me so broken. Running is a contreversal subject, because I know there are just as many people on this earth that despise running with every fiber of their being the way some love it. But for those that choose to run, running adds to life. It astounds me that something that adds life to so many came to be the cause for the end of these fabulous women's time here on earth.

Obviously the contents of this blog are completely my opinion. But that's scary right? Scary things happen. Life is difficult but that is no reason to stop living. Quality of life is priority for me.

Life is difficult. But sometimes I think that's the point. What would we enjoy if we didn't struggle. Someday you will wake up in this beautiful place where you won't want to change a thing and then you will know it was all so worth it.


1 comment:

  1. Oh katie, this was heartbreaking and so well-written. I hope you're finding peace after the loss of two people who had such an impact in your life. Thinking of you and sending lots of well wishes. XO